You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
