after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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