I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
