Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
