i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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