oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
