mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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