when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize