i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
