he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My vagina is officially offended.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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