Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
