He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
