Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
