dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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