What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
