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we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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