My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
