Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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