just tell him i said nine months
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
