i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
