Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
