Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize