what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
