He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
