those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
