He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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