she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize