He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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