I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
