So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i will never coherently bang her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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