: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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