I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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