If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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