That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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