you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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