I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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