Is it because I queefed?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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