I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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