I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
