I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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