ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
