he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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