I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
