I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
