"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
