you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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