Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
