1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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