Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
