I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
