you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
