How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
