Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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