she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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