Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You pole danced in your parka.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
