Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it because I queefed?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
