I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
