I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
