Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
