So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
