No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it glows. i had to have it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
