Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The air taste purple.
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