I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
