what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
