My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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