I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
did you just send me my own nude
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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