it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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